The Idol of Good Health

"Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me decrease that Thou mayest increase, let me sink that Thou mayest rise above."

~ A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

I recently read The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer, and this quote in the eighth chapter knocked the wind out of me. For a little context, this particular chapter covers the importance of regarding God as above all else. Maintaining the Creator-created relationship is key to living a life wholly pursuing God. There can be no God and money or God and human love or God and success. There can and must be only, solely God. 

As I searched my heart for any area of deceit, as I have done so much more often since reading this book, I realized that my idol-worship no longer flitted between my old idols of perfection and success. I am still tempted to put those idols next to God, but I have made great strides in overcoming them as God has worked on my heart little by little. But as I examined myself this time, I realized a new idol has invaded my soul. In this quote, Tozer pleads with God to rise above all else, to rise above ambitions, likes and dislikes, family, life itself, and . . . health. Health? Really? Who thinks of health as an idol?

"Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?

Who may stand in his holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart,

who does not lift up his soul to an idol

or swear by what is false."

Psalm 24:3-4

Apparently I do. I hadn't realized it until now, but my search for a diagnosis and treatment along with my ever-increasing hope that one day I'll wake up and be miraculously better has become an idol. Instead of worshiping the God who comforts me in my weakest moments, I am worshiping this hope that someday I'll feel better and return to "normal." I've developed an obsession with getting well. I think about what I can do when I'm normal again, when my head isn't hurting and my back isn't burning and I wake up feeling rested. I yearn for good health, and I think that somehow, even without me realizing it, I've put the pursuit of good health above my pursuit of God.

You know, two years ago, when I first started making doctors' appointments, I thought, Someone will figure this out and within a month I'll be back to my usual self. As months went by I thought, Maybe this is something I'm just going to have to live with. I can get through this as long as I stay close to God. And as my symptoms worsened and I returned to doctors' offices, a desperate need grew inside of me. A need to be better. A need to feel whole again. If someone with a medical degree does not figure out what's wrong with me, I'll die. But I missed it, guys. I missed the message God was speaking to me all along.

 

I am already whole, because He has made me whole in Him. Physically I may be broken, but spiritually I am whole and new because God has cleansed my hands and purified my heart. That is all that matters. That is all that matters. That is all that matters, because when I am dead my soul will break free from this broken body. I will enter Heaven whole because one day not so long ago God took a broken, dirty soul in His hands and made it whole.

I can't set my sights on good health as if it is some kind of savior because only one Savior has earned His place in my life. I can't let myself think that ridiculously desperate If only... because I have what I have and there are no 30-day money back guarantees. I may be like Job sometimes, pestering God with questions and hopelessly scraping at my sores, but at the end of it all I must lift my soul up to God alone, above my abilities, above my desires, and especially above my health. 

"Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor."