Starting Fresh

Starting fresh is sometimes a difficult thing to do. When you're staring at a blank piece of paper, it isn't always easy to decide what words to put down first. And when the white of a blank canvas seems to be screaming at you with all of its brilliant blandness, you wonder where to put the first streak of color.

Right now, I'm starting fresh by moving from high school to college, and I have to admit that it is a hard move to make. Amid all my excitement and anticipation, a little part of me wishes I could go back to easier days and childhood freedom. I've entered the world of "grown-ups" and can't seem to keep from moving forward.

But thinking about starting fresh reminds me of an even bigger event in my life: the moment when I decided to leave all my mistakes and mess-ups behind, cling to Jesus, and live transformed. It was a hard moment, because I wasn't quite sure if being Christian and doing good and all that would really pay off. It seemed too hard to think about giving up my selfishness, by desires, my need.

There's a verse in the Bible, Galatians 2:20, that says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Over the years I've looked at that verse and a little swell of fear has risen in my chest. It's hard to think about giving up my very life and living "by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." As other verses mention, taking up my cross, following Jesus, and running the race are all very "start fresh" ideas, and they aren't the easiest to do, either.

The thing is, now, looking back, accepting the gift God freely gave me and leaving my mistakes behind was the oh-so-right step to make, and I have no regrets. Starting fresh was the best thing I ever did, and every day I start fresh again by praying that God would lead me through the day, watch over my often-too-talkative lips, and guard my mind and heart. It isn't the easiest thing I've done, but, with God's ever-present help, it is definitely the best.

Galatians 2:20 doesn't even scare me that much anymore, because I realize what it means to be crucified with Christ. As a well-known hymn says, "My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!" I'm new, made whole, and wrapped in the unending love of Jesus.

It is well with my soul because I decided that, despite my worries and fears and insecurities, starting fresh was the best step I could have taken. I have no regrets. None.